- All right, girls? - How are you?
He's the next big U2. Neil McCormick.
He's a rock star, and all.
Your mate Bono's off conquering the world
and you can't even conquer your own fucking haircut.
Just tease it out a bit, love.
So, what have you got to show for me money?
Well, we've got this label guy, Hammond,
and he really, really wants to sign us,
but he says he needs to see us play live first,
so we need a bit more cash so we can play that gig,
and then he'll come through with a deal and that.
What happened to my ten thousand?
Well, there... there's been a lot of admin.
Ten grand on bloody envelopes?
Don't come the monkey with me, son.
You're standing there cap in hand and you're already into me up to your tits.
You've got to spend money to make money.
And didn't you just rob some place?
Sorry, Mr. Machin. I... I can't help what the papers say.
Scurrilous bastards.
They'd pin every crime and calamity from here to Cork on me if they could.
I just hope my poor old mam's not reading this shite.
I'm a household name. Like Marigold.
Like Hoover.
While you've been falling on your arse trying to get famous,
I got more famous than the pair of yous.
So I've an image problem, a cash flow problem, and you.
What if I called in the debt?
- Well, I can't pay, so... - So what?
So I suppose you would have to kill me.
For Christ's sake, Neil, I'm not an Italian. I'm not going to kill ya.
Yet.
I need to see your return and you're no use to me dead.
I'll pay for your gig.
But on one condition.
I am not playing any Van Morrison.
I'm coming over to see yous.
I could do with a change of surroundings.
And I expect V-I-fucking P.
Oh shit, that's grand.
- Hey, guys. Check this out. - Wicked.
- That is handsome. - You look like a girl.
I have got us a gig at the best venue in town.
Neil.
Come on, mate. Who's paying for all this?
Now, I know you went to Dublin, you sneaky git.
I saw the tickets.
Just please tell me Dad didn't bail us out.
It was Bono.
Really?
Who else do we know with any money?
Hey, aren't they incredible?
Yeah.
We're gonna give Hammond something that is undeniable, man.
Hang on a sec, is that Bob Geldof?
- What? - Turn that up there, Doug.
Among acts confirmed for the Live Aid benefit at Wembley Stadium
are The Who, Queen, David Bowie, Elton John, Sting and U2.
When is this?
The concert, on the thirteenth of July, is expected to be watched
by a global television audience of over two billion people.
Rock stars, Bob Geldof...
That's the same date you chose for our gig.
I'll tell you what's undeniable.
That you are a cock!
You're a stupid, arsehole, tosspot, bollock.
- Easy. - Hey, wait.
- Don't you know Bob Geldof? - He's from Ireland.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, Bob Geldof, he's from Ireland, yeah.
I'll just give Bob a call. Hey, Bob, you know your thing
with the big fuck off stars and the billions of people and that?
For the starving kids in Africa? Well, we've got a bit of a clash
with our gig in Camden and wondering if you could push yours back a week.
Major cock up, Neil.
- How is this my fault? - It always bloody is.
You're a genius at making shite decisions.
You booked a gig on the same day the Pope was doing his greatest hits tour.
You booked another gig on the same day as the biggest gig in history.
You turned down Bono's help for us to get a record deal.
And you turned down the chance to sell our songs to Rod Stewart.
OK, boys. Let's just calm down.
We'll just change the date.
Direct from London, a group whose heart is in Dublin, Ireland.
Whose spirit is with the world.
A group that's never had any problem saying how they feel. U2.
Look at the size of that crowd.
We're an Irish band. We come from Dublin city, Ireland.
Like all cities, it has its good.
And it has its bad.
This is a song called Bad.
We've got our own gig to rehearse for, yeah?
Come on.
One, two. One, two, three.
Come on, boys!
So, Mr. Hammond.
What did you think?
I think I like your style.
Good mix of stadium rock, balladeering,
- electric, Celtic... - Cosmic.
Orgasmic.
We stand among stars in the ascendant.
I haven't been that excited since I first saw Sting.
This is my wife, Danielle.
Big fan of The Police, aren't you, love?
Nice boys.
Why don't you go and get yourself another fucking drink, darling?
Now, we were trying to work out who else you remind us of.
U2.
That's it. Oh, sorry. Who are you?
Their priest.
How'd you do, Mr. Hammond, is it?
Yes, that's right. Yeah, yeah... yeah.
So... what are you doing...
What the fuck is he doing here?
Well, it's just friendly support from back home, isn't it?
- From Danny fucking Machin? - Martin.
Father Martin, from the local parish. Come to bless the gig.
Oh. Isn't that charming?
Well, it's nice to have God in our corner.
Use all the support we can get in this fucking, shitty business.
So, did you bring a contract? 'Cause...
...I brought a pen. - Now, then.
Danielle, are we going to sign this young band to our new label?
I thought they were really great.
They're a big hit with the girls.
Apparently.
You don't want to be the poor chap who reads about these boys
in Rolling Stone next week, do you?
Wishing that he could make this slippery little bugger of a decision
all over again.
Surely you've seen enough to make up your mind?
You'd think so, wouldn't you? But I don't invest lightly.
I mean, are these boys going to set the world on fire? I don't know.
Can you explain Frankie Goes to Hollywood?
I can't.
I don't even like music.
What?
Mr. Hammond, could I have a word with you in private?
Would you mind? If it's not too much of an imposition.
There are only two reasons I can think of
for two gentlemen to share a toilet cubicle.
Well, it's not the first one.
Good. Thank God for that.
That's what I love about the Catholic church.
You really know how to enjoy yourselves.
Shall we use your gear, or mine?
Neither. I've sinned enough.
I want to see my boys succeed.
Am I being given the hard sell by their priest?
No. You're getting it from Danny Machin.
Who the fuck's Danny Machin?
Who the fuck is Danny Machin?
- Yeah. - I'll tell you who Danny Machin is.
He's the answer to your prayers.
He's the boy can make your dreams come true.
Now, it can be the best wet dream you ever had.
Or your worst fucking nightmare.
I can rip your head off and shit down your throat.
It's up to you.
Welcome to the label.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Now, I want postcards from every gig.
With all the lurid details.
- No problem. - Thanks for everything, Karl.
And don't worry, we'll get you VIP passes when we play Wembley.
Access all areas.
I'll make you sorry you ever said that.
Now, boys. A word to the wise from an old man before you go.
Remember only this.
The measure of a man is what's left when fame falls away.
Oh, and another thing.
Get as much sex as you can.
There's no problem there at all, Karl.
- Love you. - Thanks, Karl.
Take care.
- Oh, I'll just get that. - Leave it, man.
It might be mam.
Yeah.
You can run but you can't hide, McCormick.
Bono!
I've been looking out for you on Top of the Pops.
Yeah, well, apparently they've this Irish quota.
It's one out, one in. And seeing as U2 are on telly every night,
I'll have to kill you to get my turn.
Kill Bono?
I know a few people that would wear that t-shirt.
I'm already wearing that t-shirt.
Where are you, anyway?
Washington D.C. Laid up in a hotel room
with my arm in a sling and a medicinal bottle of bourbon.
Yeah, let me guess.
The fame went to your head and you thought you could fly.
Got it in one.
Right off stage. Popped my arm out of its socket.
So, now you need me to come and take over as front man for U2?
Well, OK. Seeing as it's you.
Not exactly.
But I was gonna ask if you'd open for us in Dublin?
Get to fuck, you gobshite.
You mean support U2?
Well, we're doing Croke Park at the end of June, and I thought,
you know, when we tour we like to support local bands, you know?
Well, so... so technically you would be supporting us then?
McCormick.
Look, we'd be supporting each other. Like the old days.
Yeah, listen, Bono.
We are just playing our own tour at the moment.
Just a few UK dates and Europe.
We got ourselves signed too, you know?
Hey, congratulations, man. I never doubted you for a minute.
Thanks.
I mean...
Call me crazy, but...
Since it's been a bit of a bastard getting here...
I just think we'd rather play to five hundred of our own fans
than fifty thousand of yours, you know?
Well, so that's a no?
Yeah.
Look, I've got to go, Neil. Talk to you later.
Oh, nice of you to join. Who was that, then?
Mam. She wishes us luck.
Check out the bus!
Jesus.
S-H-O-O-K U-P. Shook Up.
No, not shut up.
This fucking accent.
You must be Will Hammond?
- Yeah. - Yeah. Gary Hagan. Hot Press.
Oh, hi, Gary. Thanks for flying in at such short notice. Cool, cool.
Oh no, are you kidding? I was born to break this story, you know?
- Excuse me, darling. - The McCormick's and me go way back.
And what with the U2 connection...
Yeah, this story should make a great splash.
What U2 connection?
Gary.
Hey, now I know we've made it.
Hot Press are in the building.
I wouldn't have missed this for the world, Neil.
You're part of a great fucking story.
Yeah, thanks. What do you mean "part of"?
Well, you know, two bands umbilically tied.
One in orbit. One still...
...grinding it out. - Just drop it.
Do you have to shoehorn U2 into every piece you write?
Just 'cause we're from the same bloody country. Right, come on, boys.
We've got a gig to play. I'll give you some quotes after.
But I am not talking about U2.
Ivan, what about you? Will you talk about U2?
Look, Neil's right. We grew up with them, what's to talk about?
Oh, I don't know. Just the fact that you could have been the fifth member.
No, that's bollocks. It was just some arseing around in Larry's kitchen.
That's not all though, is it? I've just been on tour with them.
Bono said he wanted you in the band.
- What, Bono said that? - Yeah.
But Neil told him no. You wanted to stick with family.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Neil said that?
Drink it in, bro. Drink it in.
Fuck you, Neil!
- Get off me! - Fight, fight, fight!
I'm gonna fuckin' kill him. Get off me!
- What the cock is going on? - Get off!
Betrayed by my own brother.
We have spent years living in a warehouse, eating beans from a can.
Whereas I could have been in orbit with the best band in the world.
Get off me!
- Where has this come from, Ivan? - Gary told me.
And he heard it straight from Bono.
So, are you telling me it's a lie?
No. So, give me the truth.
We were kids.
It was ten years ago. What do you want me to say?
- Sorry? - Yes. Yes!
I want you to say sorry.
Sorry for all the record deals you turned down,
while you were waiting for the big one.
Sorry that everything you touch turns to shite.
Sorry that you made the worst decision of my life!
Well, I'm not sorry, Ivan. Listen to me.
- Get out of my way. - Calm down. Listen. Calm down!
I am not sorry!
I'm not sorry for knowing all along that we could make it on our own.
I'm not sorry that every shitty decision I ever made has brought us here.
And I am not fucking sorry
that we are Shook Up and not U2.
Listen.
Hear that?
They're waiting for us out there, Ivan.
You're not breaking up, are you?
Are you?
Oh, great. Great!
It's so your fault.
You fucking get out there. This is a gig.
Right, I'm going to announce you. Watch.
One, two. Hello?
Hello, music lovers.
Don't boo me! I went to Eton.
All right, here's Shook Up!
Get out here! Get out!
You fucking ponce.
You run press.
Could you have stopped this?
Why would I? It's a gift.
Neil, you can't buy this kind of press.
Buy it?
Right now, I would pay to make it go away.
Well, this isn't helping.
I am drinking on an empty bus... because of this.
Because of you.
I didn't stop Ivan being in U2.
No, but you told the entire world about it.
Neil. Chill out.
Just keep your eye on the prize.
My band's not talking to me.
My brother hates my guts. If this is the prize...
...I don't want it.
Shit happens.
You move on.
Tonight, you'll be back there on-stage with all the girls.
Danielle, I'm seeing someone.
A faithful rock star. That's a new one.
Don't worry, I won't tell anybody.
Where is she, anyway?
More important things to take care of, has she?
Well, I'm here now.
Screwing the boss's wife. That'd be another fine career move.
It would.
You wanna go far, don't you?
I'm very good at what I do.
Yeah, I bet you are.
You've seen the way I look at you.
Yeah, and so has your husband.
I look after him. And I'll make sure you're looked after too.
All you have to do...
...is look... after me.
Thank you.
Have you guys agreed on an encore?
- Yeah, "Kicking Off Again". - Yeah, "The Great Beyond".
- What? - I'm not singing that shite again.
You've done it again, you bloody slag.
Will, please. It's the last time. Don't make a scene, please.
I mean, Sting I could understand. But Neil McCormick?
Problem?
Cock-driven little turd.
Oh, Will. Will!
Is there a problem? Is it about the deal?
It's about your boyfriend fucking my wife.
Well, I thought you'd made every cock-up known to man.
But this... this tops everything.
But I... I just... I...
You actually had sex with this man's wife?
You said we had to be nice to her.
Looking at you is... makes me wanna do some really nasty things.
Wait. You're not gonna drop us?
You can't. We've only just started.
OK. All good bands run on democracy.
So, let's have a show of hands.
Who would object if I told Neil to fuck off out of the band?
What?
Looks like you're on your own.
Right. Whose turn is it to hit you?
You've had a go. That just leaves me and...
Gloria.
Gloria!
One, two. One, two, three, four.
Gloria, wait. I'm sorry.
Spare yourself, Neil.
And what's the point of being a rock star if you don't get to sleep around?
- I didn't mean to hurt you. - Yeah, well I meant to hurt you.
Yeah, well you did. It was actually a really good punch.
You know what?
This isn't even about me.
It's about you constantly screwing things up for yourself.
Yeah, yeah, so I'll see ya.
Christ sake, Neil. Have you been drinking all night?
So, are you really getting on that bus?
Well, what do you expect?
Come with me.
Where to? Back to square one?
Another few years of living off fags and chips and rejection letters?
- No. - No, not to square one.
We're on the map now. People out there are talking about us.
They're listening to us. They're loving us.
Not you. Not me. Us.
The head of the record label hates your guts and wants you to go to hell.
- Think that might be a problem? - So what.
He's small time, anyway. If... if he doesn't want us
then we'll go bigger. We'll go better.
Look, Jesus...
You never did know when to give up, did you?
If I did... do you think we'd have come this far?
Come this far?
Yeah.
I could have been in U2.
I should have been in U2.
You have held me back long enough.
I thought all that was behind us?
It is behind me. It's in front of me.
It's everywhere I look. It's my whole life, Neil.
And now I want it back!
- Don't cut me out now. - You cut yourself out!
Ivan!
Fuck's sake.
Is pop music's biggest loser in?
- What? - Come on, I know he's back in Dublin.
- Do you mind if I come in? - I do, yeah.
McCormick?
McCormick!
Where is he?
Hi, Temple Hill. Leave a message.
Oh, bugger.
Yeah, hi, Bono. It's Neil.
I heard you were back from the States, just leaving you a message.
Listen, I've been having a think about your offer and...
...and it struck me just as a bit silly really,
to turn down the big gig. Moment of madness really there, on my part.
I managed to juggle a few bits,
and I would be happy to support you on the...
Bugger!
I hate nature.
Can you guys get a shake on?
It's like watching the world's most depressing water feature.
Could someone please explain to me
why you were so spectacularly awful last night?
Look. Are you saying we were shite?
More lively crowd at my mother's funeral.
You think we sound like we've lost something.
- Maybe it's 'cause we have. - All right, we'll get another singer.
Wham! have just split up. Maybe we could get that guy.
George Michael?
No, we'd never get him. The other one.
We don't need a new singer. We've lost our front man.
And whatever you say about Neil, that's what he was.
And let's face it.
Your wife wouldn't have shagged a bass player.
You don't know that.
Cheeky git. I'll fire you, n'all.
Look.
Neil was part of what really made this band.
And you fired him.
No. We fired him.
Yeah.
We... are supporting U2.
- What? - Bog off!
Bono asked me himself. They want a local band to support them.
- Just like old times. - We can't support U2.
I work in a chicken factory.
Would it kill you to quit?
I don't know whether I can still play.
You never could. No one will notice.
Eighty thousand people might notice.
What about your brother? I thought yous fell out?
You leave Ivan to me.
Trust me. He'll want to come back for this.
McCormick!
There you are, you little shite.
I've been looking for you all over.
Plugger! I haven't seen you...
Shut the fuck up, burger boy.
Mr. Machin's been hearing ugly rumours.
Word is the band is split up.
You come running home with your tail between your legs?
Absolute crap. This is the band.
- Hi. - What?
And as it happens, we're over to support U2 at Croke Park.
But I haven't seen your name on any of the posters.
Is this true, twat features?
Yeah. U2, Croke Park. Yeah.
So, this should see me and Mr. Machin straight, right?
OK. I'll call some people.
Check your story. If you're lying,
I'll introduce the lot of yous to Mr. Machin's bath.
His bath?
Jesus, Neil.
What are you still mixing with those murderous bastards?
Like, thank God you're telling the truth.
Or else we'd be in the shit.
Hi, Bono? Yeah, me, Neil again.
Just calling to check you got my last message.
Got all my band sorted.
We're all in town and we're raring to go, man.
OK, bye.
How are you, Dad?
Ivan, we'd hoped you might call sooner, son.
Yeah, I know. I've just been...
I've been busy with the tour and that and...
How's Neil?
Fucked, frankly.
He's been living like a tramp. We haven't seen him for days
and I just had some hard arse round looking for him.
- Who? - Some kid.
The type who'd happily take your head off. Is he in some kind of trouble?
Well, if it isn't our very own rock star.
How are ya, Niall?
I'm just trying to track down Bono. Do you know where he is?
The bands just back in town for the gig. They're rehearsing down at the factory
and then they're holed up at the Stanford doing press.
- Great. - Morning, Gary.
How's Grace Jones?
Fucking terrifying. What's he doing here?
Gary. Still writing poof pieces for Bono
with your pen in one hand and your prick in the other?
Could always do another piece on you. The refugee from rock bottom.
I think you've done enough damage after the last time.
And anyway it might be the best thing that has ever happened,
because I am back here to support... U2.
Hi. Hiya.
Neil McCormick here to see Bono.
He's working. He don't take social calls.
You're not press, are ya?
- I hate fucking press. - Yeah, me too.
I hate press.
I'm not press. I'm a friend of his, we're... good mates.
Everyone in Dublin says that.
Well, what do you want me to do?
Flash my "I went to school with Bono" card?
Yeah?
What do you mean we're supporting U2?
Well, that's what Neil said. Are you telling me he was having us on?
Maybe. I don't know? It's news to bloody me, you know?
I just don't know what's going on in Neil's head.
Well, he was acting a bit mental. More so than usual, that is.
- And did he say where he was going? - Sure, he was on the hunt for Bono.
Neil McCormick. Hot Press.
Hi. Here to see Bono.
Bono's not registered with us, sir.
No, he's not a guest. He's with the band.
They're here for the press conference.
The band? And what band would that be now?
I'll give you a clue.
I love clues. I love clues.
Bono!
Oh, right, Bono. Bono is not registered with us.
Listen to me, you little tight arse. We both know he's in the building.
There's a small army of U2 fans outside.
So, just tell me the way to the fucking conference.
He's not registered.
Security! Security!
Paul! Paul. Its... it's Neil McCormick.
Hey, it's all right he's with me.
Jesus, Neil. You look different.
I thought you were off touring the world?
Yeah, well, it's a long story.
Listen, while I have you, I did just wanna firm up our support gig.
- The one you turned down? - Yeah, yeah. That's the one.
Listen, I've had a bit of a rethink and count me in.
Sorry, Neil. You said no. Call him crazy but Bono did take that as a no.
Paul.
So that's it? End of story?
What can I say?
Now, if you'll excuse me? We are kind of busy at the moment.
Might catch you at the party later.
Yeah, be sure and put me on the list.
Can I see your pass, please?
Gary Hagan, Hot Press. Some people say you're on your way to becoming
- the biggest rock star on the planet. - Well, I wouldn't say that, Gary.
I mean, I'm only five foot nine and that's with the hat.
If you want to print it. Feel free, I'll read it.
You know it makes me laugh, I mean... You hear a lot of people saying U2
they're going to be the next this, the next that.
There was all this expectation after The Unforgettable Fire.
- Excuse me. - Yeah?
Can you tell me where I can find Bono?
Bono? Bono.
No, there doesn't seem to be anyone here by that name, sir. No.
Oh, except for that Bono.
- Yeah, that Bono. - Ivan McCormick, come here.
Hey, Paul! How are ya?
The prodigal son returns.
Plugger. Thank God that's you.
We just spoke with Jimmy O'Mahoney. U2's roadie.
He's heard no talk of you playing with them, you bollix.
Get in the bastard car.
You're driving.
I'll be right behind you with me little friend here.
And no funny shite.
Mr. Machin does sort of like you, you know?
- Well, that's a relief. - It's always harder when you like 'em.
What? Wait, what's harder?
We thought you were gonna be another Bono. You had us all going there.
Yeah. I had myself going.
I spoke to McGuiness. He said he looked pretty rough.
I'd no idea it'd got so bad. Maybe he finally flipped?
It's been on the cards. And to tell you the truth?
You might have had something to do with it.
Everyone wants to be a rock star, right?
Back at school, if you'd have told me that four of us
would become the biggest rock band on the planet,
I'd have asked who the other three were.
You always were a cocky fucker.
You're everywhere.
The press, the posters and the albums and awards.
And your face on every billboard and limited edition china ware.
It's a good little earner, the Bono tea set.
I think people like to smash it up.
We were going to take on the world with our music.
Sure, when we got going there'd be no fucking stopping us.
But you've got your own thing going on.
You're not still sore about not being in the band?
No, no. I'm fine about that.
Not a day goes by when I don't thank my lucky stars I'm not in your band.
What do you do when your best friends become your greatest rivals?
What was I supposed to do? Just... just lie down
and let my little brother get snapped up by the competition? No, no.
Well, Neil wouldn't let me have you. And I don't blame him.
I mean, if you were my brother I wouldn't have let you join
- some other shitty garage band. - Oh, shit. You were U2.
We didn't know that. None of us did.
- And we were pretty shitty. - Yeah.
I had it all planned out. Form a band.
Given the choice, would you really have picked us over him?
Release a series of ground-breaking albums
I'd wanna say, yes.
Tour the world's greatest stadiums.
But could you... have picked us over your own brother?
Pull off the biggest rock and roll invasion of America since the Beatles.
This was my life. Just waiting to happen and all I had to do was live it.
There was just one problem.
Him.
Well, if you've got a problem, why don't you just do something about it?
Oh, yeah? What?
What, what? What should I do about it?
Will you keep your eyes on the road?
Hey, is that the...
Neil! Neil!
Look, it's just a shame you can't support us on Saturday.
What?
We offered you a support slot, you said no.
What?
- He didn't tell you? - No. He didn't tell me.
Would you be willing to repeat this in a court of law?
On behalf of the defence?
- Whose defence? - Mine.
Because I'm going to bleeding murder him.
OK, I guess this is it. Are you ready?
- For my fifteen seconds of fame? - Enough to put you off forever.
Get out of me fucking way. You out of the way, now. Come on.
Bono. Bono.
Neil McCormick. I'm a friend of the band's.
I should be under Paul McGuinness's list.
- OK, go straight in. - Thanks.
Neil. What the fuck are you doing?
Ivan.
What are you doing here? You're supposed to be on tour.
Yeah, I know. I came back for you, you dickhead.
- Yeah? - Yeah, but...
...I'm an idiot because... What happened to your face?
Never mind. Because I found out about the U2 gig.
You turned down U2, Neil. Again.
On my behalf, again, without telling me.
Again.
I just wanted us to do it on our own.
Why does everything that we ever do always have to come back to them?
It's like some sick cosmic joke!
Have you heard this song? I mean, is he taking the piss now or what?
He still hasn't found what he's looking for. He's got everything he ever wanted.
No, he's got everything that you ever wanted.
How do you know what he wants?
I mean, you're going on about him like he's a fifty foot, singing genie
that you can't shove back in the bottle. No!
He's Bono.
He's just Paul Hewson grown up. And you need to get over it,
and get yourself to-fucking-gether,
so we can play this gig and steal their thunder.
It's not happening. I spoke to McGuinness. The gig is off.
Well, I told Bono that we'd do it.
What?
Even though you've bollocksed it up again,
and probably don't deserve it,
it is on.
All you got to do is sing, man.
It's four numbers. Just like back at school.
We're supporting U2!
We're supporting U!
...2.
- What the fuck is that? - Just leave it, never mind.
What do you mean, never mind? There was a firearm
shoved down the front of your trousers.
What would you have done if I wasn't here? What's the plan, Neil?
Come down and stick that thing to Bono's head?
- Don't be stupid. - That's what it looks like, genius!
Like a complete nut job trying to solve all his problems
by coming in here and killing Bono.
No.
There's two lads in the toilet with a gun.
- I think we should probably leave now. - Yeah, I think you're probably right.
No, fuck it. Go.
Move, move!
Get out of here.
What do you think I am? Stupid?
Right, come here...
Piss off.
Right.
Jump in. You've business with Mr. Machin.
No, no, no, Plugger. Wait.
We got the gig. We're supporting U2.
Is that what do you think I am? Stupid?
I take it that's why you had the gun?
So... fill me in, brother.
How much are we in to Danny Machin for?
All in all?
- Thirteen grand, give or take. - Thirteen grand?
What is that, five grand a kneecap and three for our heads?
- That doesn't add up, Ivan. - I don't care!
I should be on top of the world but now I'm gonna die.
And it's your fault.
Again!
Got them.
Don't shoot me!
Get 'em out.
- Mr. Machin! - Let's get this over with.
Mr. Machin, you've got to believe us.
We've landed a really, really, really massive gig.
Sit the fuck down.
The press want to bury me.
It's a fucking witch-hunt!
And I'm calling in all debts.
Well...
We can't pay but... but if you just maybe give us some...
I'm not giving anything! No more fucking favours!
Now you're not leaving here, till you pay me back.
And if you can't pay me back, you're not leaving at all.
We're really gonna die.
Now, Plugger here tells me you were a journalist.
Yeah. Yeah, rock critic for Hot Press.
A few bits for the school mag.
I tell you, my Pulitzer Prize is still a ways off, I...
Shut up, Neil. Neil's just being modest, Mr. Machin.
He's a great writer. He's brilliant.
It's his calling. Isn't that right, Neil?
Yeah. Yeah.
My calling. You need someone with press credentials.
Someone to tell your side of the story. Set the record straight.
The man behind the myth, kind of thing.
Without bias, without agenda.
Oh, there's an agenda, all right.
I assume you want to live?
OK. So you do this thing for me. You write my story,
you sell it to the papers and you pay me back every penny.
You can ask me anything you like. But you stay here and you write
till you're finished and it better be good enough to publish.
Hang on. We can't stay here.
Like we said, we've got this big gig on...
You're not going anywhere, you daft bollock.
Either of you. You can sharpen his pencils.
- Come on. - Will you stop your pacing?
I can't. We're supposed to be sound checking right now.
You were the one who convinced him this was such a great idea.
In what fucking universe is this my fault?
You have a gift. Never mind the pop star bollocks.
You could be the next James Joyce. Only with better punctuation.
Oh, here we go.
We may not have time to finish this.
- Will we take the Land Rover? - You take it.
Right, lads. Let's go.
And if I don't see your piece in the papers by the weekend...
...it's bath time with Plugger. Understand?
Come on. Machin's in there.
Go, go, go, go, go!
- Don't move! - Right, fucking don't move!
Seamus. Ronan.
Right, lads. Get ready to jump out.
Dublin road's just over that hill.
It's been rock and roll, lads. Now bugger off outta here.
- What, here? - Yeah.
- It's in the middle of nowhere. - Piss off!
Plugger!
I'm fucking freezing.
This way, is it?
- What's so funny? - Being alive.
It's fucking absurd but it's great, isn't it?
Yeah.
Do you reckon that's the Dublin bus?
If it is, we still might make the gig.
No, we're miles away, we'll never make it.
Yeah, of course we'll make it. We can do anything we wanna do.
Be anything we wanna be.
- Will you just shut up and run? - Right.
I just want you to know...
I never doubted us for a second. I never doubted we'd make it.
- We're not there yet. - Oh, trust me, we'll get there.
I can feel it. It's meant to be.
ENGLISH ESL